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Eye-opener: Not just an illicit relationship but women jump online to fill in eternal void

Posted by Unknown | Monday, May 26, 2014 | Posted in


If you thought most women are wired to be unfaithful, that’s some pigeonhole! With the escalation of Online dating sites, both men and women have easy access to discreet encounters and extramarital affairs.


There no more exists an affair-proof marital concept. Why women mostly cheat, well is a matter of introspection for men as partners, at least a lot of times.

According to a leading website ‘Marriage is not the issue. Commitment and loyalty or the lack thereof is at the crux of this. After all, marriage is a legal and/or spiritual binding of two people, but if commitment isn’t there and loyalty becomes a matter of subjectivity or convenience, the marriage is already nonexistent. Cheating then becomes a symptom of a secretly failed marriage.’

It is not in fact a matter of all white or all black any more. The territory is more often considered grey. The very first sorts that strike your head would be: Do people who cheat want to leave their current marriage? Are they secretly trying to get caught so they’ll have an excuse to get out? The answer lies in either cheating on your partner or introspecting before taking the big leap.

Consider an example: A woman becomes nothing more than a mother, housekeeper and wife who keeps the family running smoothly. She probably enters a phase where she constantly feels frumpy and unattractive. Her self-esteem is in the gutter and she no longer feels sexy, beautiful or desirable. Enters a man who compliments her, shows interest in her emotionally, tells her she is beautiful. A man who looks at her and sees something other than a mother, housekeeper and wife. She finds the much needed validation, and well, begins to waver even though deep down she might not want to.

Even as some approaches reek of negativity and vulnerability, other approaches fathom manipulation and adultery with the drop of a hat.

Women weep in possible corners for filling in the vacuum present in their current relationship. Some exceed and re-gain the lost soul of the relation, and others brush off into treachery.
Recent reports state that an Online dating website Ashley Madison has a community that is comprised of 70 percent men and 30 percent women. 

But the only sane and probably the only wise thought behind the audacity of wavering trust was to find an answer from within.

Yes, unflinching faith and consistent admiration for women work wonders! And whilst it works very well for the Venus community, it stands true for the Martians counterparts.

The website further mentions "Men in established relationships and marriage need to remember that women are women first and foremost—and the take up the roles of wives and mothers second. If a man stops bringing passion and effort to his relationship and stops treating her as a desired woman, he shouldn’t be surprised when she feels forced to fill her needs elsewhere."

For many it is initially like asking the newly-vegetarian fox to guard the henhouse, but that is what it is supposed to be. Period!

She Taxi launched in Kochi

Posted by Unknown | Tuesday, May 20, 2014 | Posted in ,




Kochi: The Kerala Government will extend all possible support for further expansion of the She Taxi service, owned and operated by women entrepreneurs for women travellers, to more cities in the state, Chief Minister Oommen Chandy on Monday said.

"The initiative was a big success in Thiruvananthapuram. The government allotted special parking lots for She Taxis in the state capital," he said officially launching the service here.

He applauded the Department of Social Justice for taking up this venture which, he said, "has become a women empowerment model for countries across the globe to emulate."

"The She Taxi has grabbed global attention after its successful introduction in Thiruvanathapuram. Even authorities in the UAE are actively looking at the possibility of similar cab services for women," said Panchayats and Social Justice Minister Dr M K Muneer, who presided over the function.

"Initially, Kochi will have a fleet of ten cabs. Soon we will have She Taxis in Kozhikode. We are planning to roll out 250 She Taxi cabs in all major cities across the state," Dr Muneer said.

"I am extremely happy to know that the She Taxi, which started with just five cabs in Thiruvananthapuram, has become a huge success among women. I am proud to be the goodwill ambassador of this unique project," said popular actress Manju Warrier.

Later, the Chief Minister along with Manju Warrier and other dignitaries flagged off the first service.

The project, conceived and implemented by The Gender Park under the aegis of the Department of Social Justice, is being extended to Kochi after its success in Thiruvanathapuram where it was launched in November last year.

Can you be friends with your Ex?

Posted by Unknown | Monday, May 19, 2014 | Posted in ,




Mumbai: When relationships end, it is bound to hurt feelings or bring out a feeling of uneasiness and anger. Right after your break up has taken place and give yourself enough time to understand what exactly happened. 

Once things fall in place, being friends with your Ex can still be a preferable option. Listed below are some of the ways to continue being friends with him or her:

Let healing happen first

If you have a lot of bitterness or negative feelings about your spouse, it's too soon to try to be friends. Get rid of mementos from your relationship, and avoid places or situations that remind you of him or her. This will help you move on. Once you feel firmly on your feet, you can try getting back in touch.

Don't play the blame game

Leave your past issues in the past and begin focusing on your friendship. Relationship expert also stated, ‘Most of us don't argue and bicker with our friends so now that your relationship status has changed from romantic relationship to friendship, leave the arguing and bickering out of it.’ To become friends again with the person you once loved, blame the relationship, not the person. This will help you see the person as a good friend and no more feel hurt about your past.

Forgive and set boundaries

While it might seem difficult, when you're ready and you want to stay friends with your ex you'll need to practice forgiveness. Forgiveness is the number one key to remaining friends with your ex, so forgive them and yourself. By just saying "I forgive you" and/or "I'm sorry", both the partners can feel a certain type of psychological relief. Set new physical, emotional and sexual boundaries, which means changing the relationship to purely a platonic one.

If you have children, respect your ex as your child's other parent

“Whether or not you have children, respect your ex as a person you once loved enough to marry no matter how mistaken you might have been,” advises Tessina, a relationship expert.

Be nice to the new beau

It'll be tough, but if your ex has a new girlfriend, be pleasant. “This sends a very reassuring message to your ex and the new partner that you are not going to be a threat,” Orbuch, relationship expert explains. 'You may even find that your Ex welcomes a new friendship between you and his new partner.'

PA

Canadians top drinkers, Indians not far behind: WHO

Posted by Unknown | Thursday, May 15, 2014 | Posted in ,




The bubbly flows freely among Canadians and Americans. In a latest survey released by the WHO, Canadians are drinking more alcohol than most of the rest of the world - followed by Americans. Drinking is also going up in India.


"The amount of drinking around the world is going up, especially in India and China, where incomes are rising and alcohol marketing is active," the report noted.


Americans drink 7.5-9.9 litres of alcohol per person per year while Canadians gulp down more than 12.5 litres each as do Russians and Australians, the data revealed.

Africans do not drink as much as Americans and residents of Islamic countries drink the least of all.

Worldwide, almost a quarter (24.8 percent) of all alcohol consumed is in the form of unrecorded alcohol, the World Health Organisation (WHO) report said.

Unrecorded alcohol is alcohol made at home, alcohol meant for other purposes (like medical) or smuggled.

Around the world, just over half of recorded alcohol intake is in the form of spirits.

Next comes beer, accounting for about 35 percent of consumption, and 55 percent of drinking in WHO's Americas region.

Overall, wine consumption comprises just eight percent of global consumption.

The WHO report also took a look at how drinkers drink and what that means for their health risk.

"Alcohol consumption also contributes to about 10 percent of the disease burden due to tuberculosis, epilepsy, haemorrhagic stroke and hypertensive heart disease in the world," the report added.

Drinking with meals or drinking daily or nearly daily presented the least health risk to the drinker, the report said.



Dividing lines: New India will vote for a new idea

Posted by Unknown | Friday, April 4, 2014 | Posted in


The 2014 election is a landmark of its kind. It is different in many ways and we have to savour every little difference to grasp the new texture of the historical. The future seems to have arrived and, as a novelist explained, this future is a different country where people do things differently. As a sociologist and a gossip one must ask where does the difference lie. The answers flow in unexpectedly.

To begin textbook style, this election confronts the demographic dividend. The demographic dividend, or DD, is a dull label for the fact that 70 per cent of our population is under 25. This means that this is a generation that read about the national movement in NCERT books, was born after the Emergency and sees nationalism and the Nehruvian epoch as nostalgia. This is a generation that has none of the significant memories that forged the idea of India and of Indian unity.

It is not nationalism alone that feels quaint. It is also the socialist era: the ration card scarcity, the long lines and the boredom of waiting that marked the Fifties and Sixties. This was a time where tightening the belt was a patriotic act.

It was a generation which was seen as lacking ideology, which lacked a sense of the political but which struck back by reinventing the political. A sense of consumerism reworked the ideas of citizenship and recreated new possibilities of political. But a historian cannot stop here because the changes are deeper. Beyond demography, the political itself has changed as fact and memory.
The biggest change is that the Congress party has become an embarrassment. It is no longer seen as a national unifier but as a family legacy, mediocre in intent and limp in its history. The decline of the Congress is the background.

Yet politics means more because the Aam Aadmi Party has reinvented politics. In fact, the youth blew life into both, the Modi movement and the rise of the AAP. AAP is a new hypothesis, it is a party which like an amoeba is inventing newer versions of itself.
If AAP is fluid, the Bharatiya Janata Party moves like a juggernaut, desperately scared of failure. The BJP looks like an energetic dinosaur next to the AAP which behaves like a creative virus infecting the most unlikely people.

Yet there is a negative side we need to examine. While celebrating the inventiveness of the political, we also confront the decline of some other kinds of the political. The party as an institution seems archaic. In fact, at points it appears paradoxical. The Modi movement literally portrays him as a man without a party. The old guard of Jaswant Singh, M.M. Joshi or even L.K. Advani stand humiliated and Modi seems indifferent to that. In fact, the biggest casualty of the Modi movement might be the BJP. It seems more and more irrelevant in Modi’s presidential style of behaviour.
In terms of value, there is something more tacitly frightening. The amount of intolerance we have today is converting politics into the zero-sum game.

Earlier politics appeared to be a battle between rivals not enemies. Many of them were friends outside battle. Today our politics seems more exterminist.

Our sense of difference is also worrying. When one watches media or political debate, one senses the witch-hunt. The media seems to want to hunt down people whom it sees as politically incorrect. The media witch-hunt of those it sees as anti-national or corrupt shows that media in its hunt for news has lost its head.

Society amplifies the hysteria of the media by considering every difference, each piece of diversity as sedition. Today books, movies, plays seem to require the consensus of right-wing or extra-constitutional parties to emerge. Whether it is Valentine’s Day or Wendy Doniger makes little difference. The BJP’s cynical effort to recruit is a sign of its rampant McCarthyism.

India was once proud of its diversity, convinced that the tribal was also a part of the modern. Today our middle class wants to flatten the difference and in doing this it threatens the marginal, the radical and the eccentric.

Thirdly, despite everything Arvind Kejriwal might have campaigned for, the rapist and the criminal are part of the normalcy of politics. We treat rape, murder and corruption as initiations to politics. Somehow the logic of electoral politics cannot stand the clean and honest.

Finally, this election has a collection of strange silences. Issues like the fate of agriculture, the debates on biotechnology, the suicide of farmers and the death of soils plays little role in the election. Medha Patkar, who led the anti-Narmada protest, is now a battler for the slums. But big livelihood issues are missing. The minority question seduces but the fate of marginals is forgotten. Development has to look at marginals. Any social audit has to represent them. Otherwise democracy would be empty.

The bigger silence is about unemployment. There is little news of retrenchment in the IT industry, and even less is said about media people losing jobs. Unemployment and inflation are background words. They are not problems in themselves, merely invectives to hurl at the Congress party. No party has a global concept of itself. The Congress is dispirited. Modi thinks his ego is global but there is no sense of real politics of South Asia or of the wider region.

All in all this is a strange election, full of surprises, replete with anticipations, an inkling that the new is being born but the midwives are a bit slow. A wonderful time to be in, full of rumours, waiting for a future that might surprise us all.

Welcome to the Indian ‘Bride Bazar’, where daughters are ‘sold’ as brides!

Posted by Unknown | Thursday, April 3, 2014 | Posted in ,


New Delhi: In a patriarchal society like India, women are forced to play second fiddle to males as far as family, property and marriages are concerned.

Dowry, though banned by law in India, is still prevalent in large swathes of the Indian countryside, and parents of marriageable girls go through daytime nightmares to locate a suitable groom for their daughters. 

There is a reverse trend too. Overaged males offer to "buy" brides, when they fail to get women to marry. 

Poor parents are often forced to sell their daughters in the guise of marriage, as was the case nearly four centuries ago, when both male and female slaves used to be sold at slave bazaars.

There are four major reasons behind this gruesome trade in human trafficking:
1. Skewed male-female ratio: Seems like Indians are now paying for their skewed  male-female ratio. 

In states like Haryana, Punjab, Bihar, Rajasthan and western UP, marriageable brides are just not available.

Men of marriageable age then hunt for brides from other states. Naturally, most of these "brides" hail from poor families from eastern and northeastern states. 

These "brides", which are bought by men in these states, are used  as servants in the households. 

They are also used to give birth to offsprings to keep the genealogical tree alive. These women are never considered part of the male's society, and after they are "used" they are simply left to remain like second-class citizens.

2. Illegal sale of girls: One such racket was busted by Haryana Police in 2011. The gang used to sell teenage girls as brides to middle aged men in exchange for money.

These girls were first abducted by gangs and then sold to their clients.

Shockingly, these girls, often younger than 15, were subjected to the worst form of slavery. They performed household chores all day and then had to become sexual victims of over-aged men at night.


3. Poor families and unemployment: Though it should not be one of the reasons for families to sell off their daughters in exchange for money. But yes, it is true, below poverty line families have many times been booked for selling off their daughters in other cities to rich people in exchange for good amount of money. 


The reason such parents are forced to sell their daughters is because they are in dire need of money to look after their families. 


4. Prostitution rackets:  Several times police have tracked and busted prostitution rackets  where middlemen and women sell girls  to multiple clients in the guise of marriage and receive handsome amount of money from them. 



This trade of selling and buying of girls like commodities has been going on for years now. Such activities are more prominent in small town and villages. Such racketeers indulge in flesh trade by targeting small town girls.

Bride Checks Phone During Wedding Ceremony, Entire World Cringes

Posted by Unknown | | Posted in ,




If your goal is to get your soon-to-be-husband to reconsider the whole marriage thing, this is a good way to start.

A video (that we can only hope is fake) made the rounds on Reddit Wednesday titled "Bride checks her phone during her wedding ceremony" and it really lives up to its name. The bride literally whips her phone out of her dress to text while her cringing future husband shoots her some "Really? You're really going to do this now?" glances. You have to see it to believe it.

The video is from 2011 and made the rounds back then too, but it was just too good (or bad) not to share. Plus, whether it's real or not, we finally got to see this Someecard come to life.


Watch Video:

‘Aanavaal pidi’ ritual attracts big crowd in Kollam temple

Posted by Unknown | | Posted in





It is a unique ritual. Devotees chase an elephant for one hundred metres to catch its tail. The ritual is held in the Malayalam month of Meenam at the Umayanallur Sree Bala Subrahmanya Swamy Temple in Kollam. The ritual itself is named ‘catching the elephant’s tail’ (aanavaal pidi).

Cheered by hundreds of onlookers, including a good number of foreign tourists, the ritual was held in the precincts of the temple here on Tuesday. Temple authorities say the ritual has been in place for the past 1,500 years.

It is symbolic of the beliefs about the childhood pranks of the god-siblings Ganesha and Balasubramanyan.

Devotees take part in the ritual with utmost devotion by running after a tusker, trying to catch its tail. The elephant races, with its tail raised, for about 100 metres. Many of its pursuers manage to get hold of the tail. Those participating in the ritual say they attain some kind of spiritual bliss. The ritual gets over in less that a minute. This year, tusker Kadavur Sivaraju was selected for the ritual.

By 10 a.m., it was prepared for the ceremony by giving a bath. The unfettered tusker was brought in procession to the aanaakottil (kraal) and fed ‘nivedyam’ (devotional offering). It kneeled before the presiding deity, trumpeted and then began the ritual run.

Do You Know India's Prostitute Village???

Posted by Unknown | Tuesday, April 1, 2014 | Posted in ,





For generations, one Indian village has seen widespread prostitution, with women passing on the trade to their children.

Nat Purwa, a small village in the Indian state of Uttar Pradesh, is about a two-hour drive from the provincial capital, Lucknow. In the mornings dozens of young children wearing tattered clothes trot along its dusty streets. It is hard not to notice their big, round, undernourished bellies. The children disappear into the fields, chasing away stray cattle.



Like most other villages around here, Nat Purwa suffers from abject poverty. But one element makes the village stand out from others in the area: Here, prostitution is a hereditary occupation, passed on from one generation of women to the next.

When Chandralekha turned 15, she joined the trade like the rest of the village girls. "My grandma said: 'The whole village is involved in prostitution. What difference does it make if you become one?' My grandmother is the one who got me involved," she told Al Jazeera.

Wrinkles criss-cross the 50-year-old's face as she recounts her past. "I always felt bad. With the first man, then the second, fourth, fifth, sixth. Thousands of men come to one woman. I'd say a woman starts feeling bad since the beginning, but there's a weakness. There's a hungry stomach to feed and there is resignation."

Chandralekha gave up prostitution owing to intolerable abuse. "I realised there's no respect," she said. "A whore is a whore." 

Chandralekha and thousands of other women from Nat Purwa belong to the Nat community. The Nats have led a marginalised existence for decades. Before prostitution became the norm, Nats were historically performers, and some still carry on this tradition.

In 1871, the Criminal Tribes Act was passed under British rule, which classified certain tribes as engaging in "criminal activities". The Nats were one of the tribes targeted by this law.

Madhu Kishwar, the editor of Manushi , a journal and forum for women's rights, explained. "They [Nats and other 'criminal tribes'] used to be dancers, acrobats, jugglers and magicians," she said.

"During the colonial period, the British outlawed their activities. They got beaten up, arrested, locked up and brutalisation continued. This dried up their traditional source of livelihood, and women had no choice. They ended up in prostitution - what [else] will they do?"

Kishwar said that, more than six decades after independence, the legal framework in India still views the marginalised community through a colonial prism.

"I am taking their case to the Supreme Court," she told Al Jazeera. "It's a long process but I am not giving up." She added that there needed to be a major shift in "the colonial mindset" among all people in India in order to bring about real change on the ground.

A pan-India phenomenon?

Nat Purwa is not unique: academic Dr Anuja Agrawal , who has conducted research on the subject, said it's difficult to estimate the exact number of such "prostitute villages" in India.

"They are spread across [the Indian states of] Uttar Pradesh, Madhya Pradesh and Rajasthan," she said. "And like Nats, for other communities such as Bedias, Faasi and Banjar. Prostitution has emerged as a strategy of survival among several such communities."

Agrawal says all these communities are inter-linked: "They share a distinct past. They were all nomadic tribes who settled with their communities in small villages."

"At least 30 percent of the women in the village are still sex workers. If you want to see progress, you should be able to offer them an alternative way of earning their livelihood."
- Ramu Babu, ASHA Trust




In her book Migrant Women and Work, Agrawal wrote about the women of the Bedia community and their "proclivity" towards prostitution. There is a "family dimension" to the trade, she said. The men are also involved, making sex work an important aspect of the family economy.

This phenomenon isn't restricted to the northern and central plains of India. In south of the country, the Devadasi tradition has ensured that sex work remains the primary occupation among women from certain communities.

In the pre-colonial era, Devadasis were often temple dancers who were "married" to temple deities. Under British rule, temple dancing came to be classified as a criminal act, and the women were forced instead to sell their bodies for an income. Sex work then became a "tradition" among these communities, and today it has attained a certain level of social and cultural sanction.

Over the years, women from these communities have migrated to urban centres within India such as Delhi, Mumbai, Kolkata and even, reportedly, internationally to cities such as Dubai. "Even if you go to the brothels and red-light areas in these big cities, you'll find women from these communities," said Agrawal.

One study has estimated that as many as one percent of the entire adult female population in India may be involved in the sex trade. The Indian government has taken various measures to rehabilitate these women and protect their children. Last October, the Delhi government laid out a proposal to converge several such measures under an umbrella scheme for sex workers.

"We have in fact just begun work with sex workers from marginalised communities," said Ratna Prabha, of the Ministry of Women and Child Development.

"In states like Maharashtra, Andhra Pradesh and Karnataka, we have begun doing a base-line survey. We are trying to find out what their needs are in terms of health, education, housing, and other economic factors. We are also trying to find out what their children need or what they will need in their old age. In all these states, we are working with the state government and reputed NGOs."

De-stigmatising

Back in Nat Purwa, the children have returned from playing in the fields. When asked what their names are, they only give their first names; many don't have surnames. Nat Purwa is known elsewhere as "a village of bastards".

For instance, Ram Babu, field researcher with a local NGO called ASHA Trust, said he faced stigma when he left to pursue higher studies. "They would ask us: 'Whose son are you? A prostitute's son? You must be a bastard then. Nobody knows who your father is. Nobody knows whose son you are.' These are the questions all of us face. I am sure everybody feels hurt by it."

Ram Babu, who, incidentally, was born "out of wedlock", said the only way to make villagers' past bearable is to work towards a better future. "At least 30 percent of the women in the village are still sex workers," he told Al Jazeera. "If you want to see progress, you should be able to offer them an alternative way of earning their livelihood. If they are given a concrete option, then they will give it a serious thought.".

The NGO worker pointed out that lack of education is slowing the pace of progress. "It's a big problem here. When there's no education, it's easy to be misled," he said.

Nat Purwa's school doesn't look particularly impressive. In desolate surroundings, the building has one hall with a few benches and a blackboard. Rukmini [name changed], a 12-year-old student, said shyly: "I don't know what I'll become. I'll become whatever I have to become. I could work in an office or something."

She did not seem fiercely ambitious. But given Nat Purwa's bleak surroundings, dreaming was never going to be easy.
Malabar Shopping

A temple where mouth-watering chocolate bars are offered to God

Posted by Unknown | Saturday, March 29, 2014 | Posted in ,



In Kerala state of India there is a temple where mouth-watering chocolate bars are offered by devotees to the presiding deity. While devotees offer flowers, sandal paste and fruits to invoke divine blessing, the 'Thekkan Palani' Balasubramania temple differs as chocolate bars are offered in the sanctum sanctorum. Chocolate bars of a leading brand are made as offering by devotees and they get them back as 'prasdam' after poojas. 


No wonder, the presiding deity of the shrine located at Subrahmanyapuram on the outskirts of the the town is known locally as "Munch Murugan." According to temple authorities, people, irrespective of caste, creed and religion, come to the shrine with cartons of chocolates, seeking the blessings of Lord Muruga. Naturally, children flock to the temple in large numbers, especially during the examination season.

No one knows for certain how or when the ritual of offering chocolate began. "The principal deity in the temple is 'Balamurugan', Lord Muruga as child. Somebody who thought that the child Muruga likes chocolate, might have begun the practice first," temple manager D Radhakrishnan told PTI. He said chocolates are given back to devotees as 'prasadam' like flowers and sandal paste after 'pushpanjali' or 'archana'. Chocolate is also used for rituals like 'thulabhara' along with other traditional articles like flowers and jaggery. 

A large number of devotees, even those from other states and foreigners, visit the temple with boxes of chocolates. In the initial days, children were those who offered chocolates. But now, devotees of all ages, including the elderly, offer chocolates to the Lord Muruga, he said. 

The shrine, managed by a 21-member trust, was built by an ardent devotee of Lord Muruga as a family temple decades back. He was frequent pilgrim to the famous Muruga temple in Palani in Tamil Nadu. The temple lore has it that Lord Muruga once appeared in his dreams and asked him to build a shrine in his village.